ZFL

Be sure to watch the NFL Replay of Packers vs. Colt on NFL Network On Demand. It's Mr. Makes-It-Look-So-Boringly-Easy vs. Mr. Makes-It-Look-So-Damn-Fun. It's a must see.

Hello? Anyone? No?

If you're aren't the Hambassadors or the United, you haven't.

First there was one fan. Now I'm told there's another. That makes two. Before you know it, we'll be five fans strong.

The official blog of the ZFL recently received confirmation that we have our first reader outside of the actual ZFL. A historic day indeed. So let's give them a big ZFL welcome. And for their sake and the sake of those that will surely follow, here is a list of all 10 ZFL teams along with their owner.

The Hambassadors....Mattis
i'm with ricky.............Miguel
W. Beverly Wildcats...Troy
happy fun ball...........Hart
Pop Warner Prodigy...Ward
Sac-Job......................Jeff
War Pigs....................Sobier
Jamaican Funky.........Bloom
East Coast United.......Jeremy
suburban pyscho........Robin

Here are three of many funny thoughts from this ESPN article:

•Hey, here's a question: Is Charles Rogers's collarbone officially threatening to replace Fred Taylor's groin as the most unreliable body part in the league?

•They're not really using him like John Riggins all season, are they? Is that really the plan? Could someone explain to Joe Gibbs that Clinton Portis isn't John Riggins? Before he gets broken in half?

•And what about Jeff Garcia? He's jumping into the Dawg Pound, girls are fighting over him in bars, the city loves him ... if this were Teen Wolf, he'd be surfing on the top of Styles's van right now.

Barely into the young season and the defending champion Sac-Job are already up to their old tricks (at least all of them but winning): proposing trades, hoarding running backs, obsessing about their team, etc. The Sac-Job staff is actually trying to spend more time away from the game during the season but it doesn't seem to be taking. W. Beverly built a big lead in this one behind Tom Brady's 29 Thursday night points and Priest Holmes' 28 points on Sunday. Sac RB Ahman Green then tried to single-handedly carry his team to victory on Monday night, but sadly he came up 5 points shy despite accounting for 3 TDs. (Note: 4 players in this game scored hat tricks: Cats Brady & Holmes, and Sac-Jobs Green & T.O.) So who does Sac-Job blame for this loss? Matt Stover with just a single field goal (he'll be looking for a new employer)? Maybe Jerome Bettis who stole three TDs away from Duce Staley? Or QB Jake Plummer who threw an off-handed interception to Wildcat LB Shawn Barber during the Sunday night game? In a little known sub-plot of this game, two former University of Miami tight ends, Jeremy Shockey and Kellen Winslow, battled to a 39-yard, 2-point draw. Sac-Job faces the 1-0 ricky in Week 2, while the Wildcats lock horns with Pop Warner.

This battle of lowercase turned out to be a one-sided affair as i'm with ricky ran away with it. Not a good start for the suburban psycho, who typically have started strong. Of course starting strong has gotten them no higher than a 5th place finish so maybe there will be something to this new strategy. The ricky took a big step toward forgetting about a terrible 2003 season – a Week 1 win and a bunch of Ketamine will do that for a team. What looked good on paper didn't translate to the playing field for suburban as 7 starters scored 5 or less points. RB Clinton Portis' 16 points was the only performance of note. The ricky were led by the quartet of Peyton Manning, Isaac Bruce, Jason Elam and Ray Lewis, who by the way sing a wonderful rendition of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart." The loss left psycho ownership wishing that they had followed through with off-season plans to sell the team.

THIS JUST IN: Suburban RB Stephen Davis has had surgery on his knee and will miss the next 2–5 weeks. The Panthers are apparently the NFL's new shit-luck team and the psycho are the ZFL's version of that.

In Week 2, suburban looks to topple the Hambassadors while i'm with tangles with Sac-Job. (Do you lowercase teams see what your lack of capitalization does to my finely crafted prose. Shame on you.)

The United's unconventional draft day strategy seemed to work to perfection – assuming of course that the ultimate goal was lopsided losses. There certainly were positives in the team's 33-point loss to the Progidy: good production (18 points) from their only true starting RB, Thomas Jones, and a strong performance from QB Chad Pennington who put up 20. But their 1st and 2nd round picks, the 10th and 11th overall picks in the draft, went for just 8 (Harrison) and 6 (Holt) respectively. And that as they say is not good. RB Quentin Griffin led the way for Pop Warner with a huge day: 3 TDs (nearly 4) and 26 points. Despite the win, the day was not without its disappointments for the Prodigy. Top pick Jamal Lewis managed just 3 points against the lowly Browns and the teams top WR, Steve Smith, was lost to a broken fibula. After the injury, the Pop Warner coaching staff wasted no time in having the wide receiver put down. Pop Warner takes on the Wildcats of W. Beverly this week while the United try to take the happy out of the fun ball.

A battle of last season's Place versus last season's Show. That's fancy talk for last year's 2nd place team, the Funky, taking on last year's 3rd place team, the Hambassadors. The Hamboys strengthened their hold on the Most Hated Team title by putting up the high score of the week. The win was the Hambassadors third straight opening day win, while the Funky suffered their first opening day loss in franchise history. Donovan McNabb led the Hambassadors with 37 and helped the team recover from Edgerrin James' three missed TD opportunities on Thursday night. RB Shaun Alexander was the only real bright spot for the Funky with 3TDs and 29 points. In fact, Alexander was the only Jamaican offensive starter to even reach double figures. This week, the Hambassadors battle the psycho while the Funky take on the Pigs in a battle of teams who do not want to start 0-2.

Easily the Game of the Week. A game between friends. A game decided by a single point. For a while it looked like the fun ball were back to their old ways of high-score losing, but in the end the team did the little things it had to do in order to win. It was by no means a great day for the fun ball as a whole: just 14 total defensive points, a single field goal from their kicker and a goose egg from their Boo. But 40 points from your QB can atone for many sins. No doubt a tough loss for War who lose their seventh straight going back to last season. Pig RB Curtis Martin's 25 went for naught as nobody else really stepped up – a mortal 14 from Randy Moss and just a dime from Mike Vick. This week, happy takes on East Coast United while the Pigs try to right the trough versus the Funky.

The Prodigy are quickly out to a Waiver Wire lead with four player additions already. Go Pop Warner, go.

Comcast has added the NFL Network to their digital line-up. You can find it on channel 417 in Portland.

Check out the highlights of the Eagles/Giants game on NFL Network On Demand. Fast forward to the last play of the game and watch as Eli Manning is welcomed to the NFL.

If you have On Demand, check out the NFL Network's weekly game replays. Each game is edited down to 10 minutes of the best/most exciting/scoring plays. Pretty cool. Sunday's games are up on Monday. You'll find the NFL Network replays under the Sports category.

Players with 3 or more TDs in Week 1:

Daunte Culpepper (5); Donovan McNabb (4); Tom Brady; Terrell Owens; Shaun Alexander; Jerome Bettis; Priest Holmes; Quentin Griffin; Ahman Green

If you don't own one of these players, something may have gone wrong somewhere along the way.

It's a collarbone, not a wishbone. Stop breaking it.

The NFL has moved the Titans/Dolphins game to Saturday due to the Hurricane du Jour. So get your Titans and Fins set before the 10am PDT kick-off.

Don't forget, game tonight. Colt and Pat starters must be set prior to kick-off. Any players in your line-up outside of this game can be adjusted up until 10 minutes prior to Sunday's kick-off.

Player adds will be free until Sunday's kick-off. And yes I know there is a game on Thursday night. Do you?

ESPN Sports Guy, Bill Simmons' wife upon learning Bill would be joining yet another fantasy league:

"If you're on the phone every night talking about your team, I'm going to stab you to death."

A job well done to the Hambassadors for being the first franchise to pay their entry fee. For being the first team paid, the Hambassadors will be awarded the #1 draft choice, which they will no doubt use to draft Priest Holmes. I'm just kidding. Just seeing if you're paying attention. Now pay up.

Draft day is here. Hopefully you were able to sleep last night.

The Draft Day Countdown clock is under a week, yet not a one of you has paid your $105. To those of you who will be there, the Skybox on Week 1 would be an ideal place to slip me some cash (or check). And Ward, I will call your wife and have her send me a check if I have to. Don't think I won't.

It is better to pay sooner rather than later as it is much harder to part with your precious coin after starting 0-3.