ZFL

This battle of lowercase turned out to be a one-sided affair as i'm with ricky ran away with it. Not a good start for the suburban psycho, who typically have started strong. Of course starting strong has gotten them no higher than a 5th place finish so maybe there will be something to this new strategy. The ricky took a big step toward forgetting about a terrible 2003 season – a Week 1 win and a bunch of Ketamine will do that for a team. What looked good on paper didn't translate to the playing field for suburban as 7 starters scored 5 or less points. RB Clinton Portis' 16 points was the only performance of note. The ricky were led by the quartet of Peyton Manning, Isaac Bruce, Jason Elam and Ray Lewis, who by the way sing a wonderful rendition of "Let Me Call You Sweetheart." The loss left psycho ownership wishing that they had followed through with off-season plans to sell the team.

THIS JUST IN: Suburban RB Stephen Davis has had surgery on his knee and will miss the next 2–5 weeks. The Panthers are apparently the NFL's new shit-luck team and the psycho are the ZFL's version of that.

In Week 2, suburban looks to topple the Hambassadors while i'm with tangles with Sac-Job. (Do you lowercase teams see what your lack of capitalization does to my finely crafted prose. Shame on you.)