ZFL

Things are not going well for Troy's Evil Twin: Alexander out with broken foot. Reggie Wayne most likely out with broken heart. T.O. ready to play with broken finger, but rushed to E.R. with pain medication O.D.

Alexander. Broken foot. Out at least 2-3 weeks. The prosecution rests.

The ZFL sends their congratulations to Funky owner Joel Bloom, who wed long, long-time girlfriend Liz King over the weekend. A military drone plane from a rival league spotted several ZFL owners in attendance, but in observance of the rules of engagement, they passed on the chance to take out 50% of the ZFL.

Hector & Victor are back. You'll find them at ESPN.com's Fantasy pages.

While we wait for Week 2 to shake out, let's take a quick look back at Week 1:

WOPR 96, Oliver 85
WOPR TE Heather Miller started off the season with 16 points on Thursday night due in large part to a long TD catch courtesy of Dolphins coach Nick Saban's slow trigger finger on the challenge flag. Sources say that Saban sent an apology letter to Oliver coach Mike Ward. No word on a response from Ward.

not gay 96, Evil Twin 95
After falling way behind early thanks to a -3 from QB Jake Plummer and a measly 5 from No. 1 Shaun Alexander, Evil Twin stormed back to tie the game at 95 behind 18 from Chester Taylor and 15 from Shawne Merriman on Monday night. But the comeback attempt was foiled when not gay LB Kirk Morrison was credited for a solo tackle with 5:22 remaining in the 4th quarter of Monday's nightcap.

paperboys 133, Action Jeans 109
Action Jeans racked up the 2nd highest point total of the week, but unfortunately for them they were up against the one team that outscored them. The paperboys saw all but 3 starters reach double figures, and were led by QB Donovan McNabb's 28 points.

Aficionados 91, Hambassadors 86
Ham Ham looked to be in position for a Monday night comeback, but the team went the way of the Oakland Raiders - straight into the cesspool. Ham WR Randy Moss scored just 4, while Ham QB Aaron Brooks put up just 4 as well in what could very well be his only fantasy start of the year.

Funky 104, Sore 92
The Funky benefitted from 26 points from RB Frank Gore, as well as a poor roster decision from the Sore. Poon Tang's late decision to pull a banged up Clinton Portis form their line-up kept both of these teams from starting the season 0-0-1.

The first fantasy TD of the 2006 season goes to the Hebrew Funky courtesy of RB Ronnie Brown. Another team looking good on this opening night is Dunder-Mifflin thanks to the running of "Slick" Willie Parker. It's worth noting that these two teams were the first two, and still only, teams to pay their 2006 franchise fee. That's karma, bitches!

...your starting QB is out 1-3 weeks following an emergency appendectomy. We share your pain, Ham Ham. At least you didn't have Steve Foley, too.