ZFL

In reference to RB Mike Anderson's season-ending injury:

Denver coach Mike Shanahan said Anderson tore both muscles in the left groin area off the bone.

(That's right, it says 'off the bone.')

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NOTE: I've always wanted to write punny/word play-driven headlines for newspapers, so this is me living a dream.

The word from Philadelphia on Correll Buckhalter's knee is not good. CBS reports the Eagles' running back suffered a torn patellar tendon in his right knee during the first quarter of their preseason game against the Ravens. He is done for the season. (fanball.com)

Aug. 20, MIN @ ATL - Vikings RBs Michael Bennent, Onterrio Smith, Mewelde Moore and Larry Ned combined for 20 carries, 80 yards and 0 TDs. Vikings RB Moe Williams had 1 carry for 1 yard and a touchdown. He's what we call in the business a touchdown stealer.

Also, Mike Ward would want you to know that Chris Hovan had 1 tackle and 2 assists.

Vikings' RB Onterrio Smith signed a 4-game contract with Team Dope only to learn that he would have to play behind superstar Ricky Williams. Smith tried to shrug off the disappointment saying if he couldn't carry the ball, he'd carry the baggies.

NOTE: An owner will not be fined for drafting Onterrio as his suspension came before the draft.

To those less than happy with their draft position, consider this: Last year's 10th picking team, The Streak, could have drafted Ahman Green and Jamal Lewis with the 10th and 11th picks rather than the slow starting Marvin Harrison and Donovan McNabb.

Something funny from SI.com's Peter King:

I think the funniest quote of the weekend belonged to long-lost Giants running back Ron Dayne, who was very impressive in his Tom Coughlin debut. Afterward, he said, reportedly with a straight face, "I don't think I have anything to prove.'' Ron, let me tell you something. You have something to prove when you do calisthenics.

The 2004 draft order was set earlier today at a luncheon held at the Skybox Pub & Grill in Sellwood. In addition to ZFL Commissioner and W. Beverly Wildcats owner Troy Asplund, the luncheon was attended by representives from the War Pigs, happy fun ball, i'm with ricky and last year's champion Drifter Redux who have yet to settle on a name for the upcoming season. In addition, members of both Pop Warner Prodigy and East Coast United were conferenced in via telephone. The draft order is as follows:

1. W. Beverly Wildcats
2. happy fun ball
3. Jamaican Funky
4. atari teenage riot
5. TBD (Jeff Alton)
6. i'm with ricky
7. Hammbassadors
8. Pop Warner Prodigy
9. War Pigs
10. East Coast United

In honor of US Olympic gymnasts and silver medalists Paul and Morgan Hamm, the Hambassadors have asked that they be referred to as the Hammbassadors during the duration of the Olympic games. Also, all Hammbassador players will wear a patch depicting the twin gymnasts during the 2004 season.

We call it the ZFL Hall of Champions:

1998: Portland Microbrewers (14-3 record, owner: Troy Asplund)
1999: Montana Thunderpumpers (12-5 record, owner: Kris Hamper)
2000: Chicago Scro-Tal Smackdown (13-4 record, owner: Jeff Alton)
2001: Ham Town Hambassadors (12-5 record, owner: Bill Mattis)
2002: Stamford Fromundas (10-7 record, owner: Jeremy Scholl)
2003: Drifter Redux (10-4-3 record, owner: Jeff Alton)

Once again, weekly prizes will start in Week 11:

Week 11 ($20): Highest scoring player on MNF (NE @ KC)
Week 12 ($20): Highest scoring player on Thanksgiving Day (IND @ DET, CHI @ DAL)
Week 13 ($20): Fewest points left on bench (must have a full roster to qualify for prize)
Week 14 ($20): Highest scoring starting offense (QB, RB, WR & TE roster positions only - not flex positions)
Week 15 ($20): Player with largest percentage of points for victorious fantasy team
Week 16 ($20): Biggest upset based on ZFL standings
Week 17 ($25): Highest scoring losing team

The following is a list of season prizes for the 2004 ZFL season:

1st place: $355 (entry fee + $250) + 60% of league fines and player add fees
2nd place: $230 (entry fee + $125) + 30% of league fines and player add fees
3rd place: $155 (entry fee + $50) + 10% of league fines and player add fees

Total season points will act as the tie breaker. If a second tie breaker is needed, we will use head-to-head record. If a third tie breaker is needed, we will use penis length. The last place team will measure.


Longest winning streak: $20 (5 games is the streak to beat)
Highest single week point total: $20 (148 is the score to beat)

For these two season prizes, money will be split evenly in the case of a tie.

ZFL league owners will be fined $5 for the following offenses:

1. Starting a player during their bye week.
2. Leaving a starting roster position open.
3. Starting a player who was announced as OUT by their coach more than 24 hours prior to kickoff.
4. Owning a player who is suspended by their coach or the NFL for one or more games.
5. Owning a player who is arrested. We don't have time to wait for convictions, ergo arrest equals guilty.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Upon learning that WR David Boston was lost for the season with a knee injury, Fins' coach Dave Wannstedt rose from the dead and promptly re-killed himself.

"Let's have some fun. You keep bringing me the shit news and I'll keep killing myself," Wannstedt ranted in his weekly address to the media.

The Dallas Cowboys today released last year's starting QB, Quincy Carter. The former South Dekalb High and University of Georgia star was reportedly released at least in part due to a failed team drug test. He could be headed to team Dope where he would team in the backfield with former Dolphins' RB Ricky Williams. The Cowboys' release of Carter leaves 64-year-old veteran signal caller Vinny Testaverde as the clear cut starter in Big D.